So, everyone is getting married at work and a couple of chiLdhood chums are sending me invites as we speak. Dr. K caught me off guard by asking when was i going to tie the knot. I said never, of course. He raised an eyebrow; ergo, i defended myself by teLLing him that it wasn’t like i didn’t beLieve in marriage, i just believe that there is NO RUSH to the altar. iM stiLL a baby, for goodness’s sake Just like parenthood, that’s the most common mistake anyone in a relationship could ever do. He said he was proud of my answer.

The issue didn’t stop there. Marilyn, Coco, Lisa, and other coworkers at various times had open discussions about this. As a result, I felt like rambling about my views. I figured this won’t be the first, hence the title.

I AM NOT AN EXPERT, nor do i think that i AM. Okay… here goes my piece.

You know the saying everyone wants to get to heaven, but no one wants to die? Well, it’s the same with everyone wants a great marriage, but few of us have been willing TO DO what it takes to create one. The point of the matter is so simple: what you put in is what you get out, right? You must have a partner who is willing to give the same time and effort, who shares your goals and objectives, and who believe in the same key values.

I’ve always trusted in God. There is no crystal ball, but you don’t need one anyway. What you need is the courage to ask yourself and your partner the hard questions and be willing to accept the truthful answers that come from the process. Most of the time, it’s not what you want. Finding out what is important for your sense of well-being and for that of your mate is key in building a strong and sturdy marital foundation. If you’re afraid that exploring certain issues will rock the boat and capsize your relationship, then you don’t have the relationship to weather the storms of married life.

Time doesn’t mean a thing to me sometimes. I hate it when people pride in themselves on how long they’ve been together. “So, what?,” is my response. Have those days been filled with happiness or has it been mostly fights and near death? Even great marriages have bad days, and sometimes I’m sure they have bad years. Periods of conflict, boredom, stress, and hardship can and do afflict every couple. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s something that happens in the course of living a life. The question is: what do both of you make of it? What does it all mean to you?

Marriage is not about “doing time.” It isn’t meant to be a daily fight or struggle.  It is not a life sentence to pain, humiliation, and suffering. Nor is it “hard work” or a greuling job. You do not punch in and out. Here’s a piece of surprising news: true love doesn’t hurt. A good marriage doesn’t hurt. There is nothing wrong with that romantic high wanting to last forever. But know the truth that it can’t  be everyday- and decide that a lifetime of joy [which is what you should aspire to] must be built in reality not fantasy. Know that the lies lead to pain, and only truth can open your life to happiness. If you are desperate to keep the illusion alive, you will suffer.

Don’t fail to forget that it is a TRUE PROMiSE, a strong one, you made to yourself, to Him, and to your partner worth your life and your breath. Commitment is some serious business, innit?

I don’t mean to discourage anyone, only that I want to make sure you’all are awake. It’s your future we’re talking about. Yours, your partner’s, and those kids you desperately want.

I want a marriage that’s true to God’s values.
I want a resilient marriage that will thrive in tougher times and grow stronger when the worse happens.
I want a marriage built on a strong foundation.
I want a marriage that is faithful to our commitment and vows.
I want a marriage that seeks a good future.
I want a marriage that will lift us up.
I want a marriage that creates a strong and respectful love.
I want a marriage that makes time to communicate.
I want a marriage that enables us to see and hear each other.
I want a marriage my children can be proud of and want to emulate.
I want a marriage I can learn alot of life’s lessons from.

More on this later…

This is why I don’t want to get married…

You’re thinking my expectations and wants are too high. It’s just that I strongly believe I deserve that much.

And, let me know what you think.