When you’ve reached your goal?
Or when you’ve given up?
Maybe when you look behind?
Or when your past reminds you of your regrets?
When age meets reality?
Or when you forget the promises you made to yourself?

I’ve returned to my restless winter state, like a hibernating bear that stays fully awake rather than sleeping soundly There are endless tasks I keep bumping into as I walk through my self-made messier than usual sty. As I look at my unwrapped Christmas gifts, I burrito roll myself further in my down comforter and wished hard for another week without school. There are stranger scenarios that pop in my head as I close my eyes… I can see my destination, but I want to take another detour that I am aware I cannot afford.
Even if I have pictures which help me recall the past ten years, I feel as if new memories must happen. When I was younger, I pushed very hard to live life, knowing nothing can last forever. Ergo, my you-only-live-once crisis started quite early. Looking at my list of 50 must-complete-before-I-die goals I wrote when I was ten, half remains unchecked. I am tempted to uproot and become spontaneous, like I used to.

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