When asked why I keep pushing even when odds are beating me down,
why make check off lists & chronological goals,
why stress yourself up like this?

I remembered…
The moment you back down once,
you’ll back down twice to hide the first.

Before you know it,
you’ll stand confused among the zigzagged footprints you’ve left behind,
forgetting the direction you intended to take in the first place.

I was brought up not to settle for where and what I am today.
My parents always told me to be a level higher than them in everything.
In Fox’s Fringe, Peter’s mother tells him in Greek,
“”Na einai kalitero(s) anthropo(s) apo ton Patera tou.”
She wishes him, her child “to be a better person than his father.”

In one of my most memorable movie scenes from Gattaca,
Ethan Hawke’s character was considered a runt yet he defeated his far superior brother.
He says, “You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton:
I never saved anything for the swim back.

Don’t look at the roadblocks to your success with a sigh and a slouch.
With your face forward and proper posture,
believe that your God is bigger than that mountain and overcome it.

If you remove other options, then there is only one choice:
be the ★BEST★ version of yourself the very next day.
That is one of my life forces.

Were all born with greatness 🙂
Don’t y’all forget that.



Although I’m a die-hard romantic, I’ve no interest in the movie Brokeback Mountain; however, I’ve seen enough parodies of the infamous line between the lovelorn ranchers, “I wish I could quit you.” Like most women, I grew up fantasizing for my own love at first sight with a Cary Grant moment. Falling helpless under the control of someone, be it love or hormonal-pseudo-addiction as I call it, can carry consequences in the real world. Why do men and women wallow for lost loves? Or cling to those that have fallen out of love? Haven’t we heard that the more the man pulls away, the more the woman runs after him o.0
An older woman once explained: the best way to get over a man is to get under one ;P There’s some truth in that, but it’s not safe or long lasting. Mating without intimately bonding isn’t always bueno. We often overlook and talk ourselves into wanting what we have instead of waiting for what we deserve.
For vegan flirts like myself, there’s a kick-start challenge where you go beyond toying with the idea and actually restraining from carnivorous appetites for 21 days at a time. By depriving the dependence to said substance and developing better habits, slowly the search for a daily fix should disappear. After talking to one cowboy and several gorgeous girl friends confoozled by love games, I wondered, why not practice the same cleanse for relationships?

One No Ex Sex
Our amazing bodies betray our human minds easily. The orgasm hormone, oxytocin, causes feelings of attachment. When you look deeply into each others eyes, a cocktail of chemicals can make you cling to your lover and whisper, “I cannot quit you.”
Two Cut off ALL contact
There’s a reason why he or she is your ex. It could stand for bad EXample or for the need to be permanently placed in your past. Period! Remove reasons to initiate calls no matter how difficult it is. Be ruthless with your boundaries!
Three Go thru ALL stages of grief
I know from personal experience that putting off a pity party will only come back twofold. There’s nothing worse than bursting into tears for no reason. In the middle of Wally’s World. Then, again, later that week (o.-)” Like medication, allow yourself a course to cry, enough to melt your eyes, if need be.
Four Identify what went wrong and right
If you still think it’s always them, not me. Then, find an objective friend who’ll honestly tell you the issues. To avoid making more mistakes and prevent future relationshits, make the time together with brand new ex matter by studying the patterns against the previous partners. Ponder this: if the relationship was good, wouldn’t you still be happily in it?
Five Stay away from emotional eating
Don’t replace bad food with another junk. Instead, exercise and fill up on endorphins. Love thyself. Whatever way you want ;P

I don’t want a love like woe for my friends; rather, like Whoa!
Ms. Gaynor sang it best, “I will survive.”
Like I told my little sister before, our bodies were made to endure hurt, but also to heal.
There’s truth in the Buddhist saying, “Pain in inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Kthanxbai (“( ‘o^,).
I’m off to the gym to love myself.

I’m aware I should be doing my homework rather than blogging…

However, after having an enlightened discussion w/Jeremy about the last stage of development, we agreed that many focus on the younger years. Through the Emergency Room doors, we see numerous patients suffering from chronic pain or life stressor. Someone stated it took many moons for him to stare at a mirror and realize there’s not turning the sands of time. There are those that hurt others and their bodies without thinking of the impact in their older years. I’m not just preaching about eating clean and living lean, or that you should forgive and forget. There is also the importance of our human-relationships, and realizing which ones can waste your precious time. Imagine your Tree of Life. In order for it to flourish fervently and grow healthy, you have to keep it well-nourished and free of sucker branches and parasites. I hope you’all won’t let anything, or anyone, steal your Joy and purpose. The ego quality that emerges from a positive resolution in your golden years is true wisdom. Erikson defines it as a kind of “informed and detached concern with life itself in the face of death itself.”


My friends, I pray you are living a KiND LiFE full of satisfaction & accountability.
As an older adult, do you or will you have peace because you’ve treat yourself & others consciously?

I hope for integrity, not despair in your future.

it makes many a sense
that the hardest thing to do in life is to say goodbye.
what follows is the hardest test in life;
how to accept living
and go on with a broken heart.

in many ways,
iM beginning to understand we cant have all that we want,
but all that we need is always given,
this past week has been the usuaL unpredictable houston weather.
it was mostly humid and unbearabLy hot.
there were days when the rain was biting cold and very unforgiving.
however, it is always followed by the sunlight breaking thru siLver clouds.

for instance,
i can wallow and wail inside meeh about losin love yet again.
iM saddened because it was a good one.
the kind where you hope they could love you forever.
oR i couLd enjoy this passing moment;
this brief bliss of being alive still,
2feel hurt,
2face pain.
i choose the later.

this is where i am at.
it’s the moment just before i close my eyes to sleep;
when i stare in the dark.
contemplating today’s choices,
i wouLd wait for morning.
it’s like silence…
complete w/screaming echoes.

~originally written on Sunday, September 28, 2003. revisiting for personal purpose. i found it on a napkin, tucked within the pages of a blue, medical dictionary… it fell on me as i frantically fix my interwebs connection =(

Camera shutters.
It feels awesome when you’re in the act of breaking your own rules, doesn’t it?
Every wall you’ve built to protect yourself vanished at his first allure.
The tables were turned, Eve.
The rush of sweet sugary candy coated promises you were seduced to.
You acted like an animal, but proving what makes you human is your ability to take a risk.
When you seize the mundane, and become a part of something you don’t know, will you wonder its worth?
When you’re given an opportunity to be a rockstar for the night and satisfy that dream you’ve never shared a soul to,
did he answer your question:
“when you lie at night, what’s missing?
Will you be able to handle the post spiral shame that you must medicate with mango margaritas?
Will you persevere through your decision? lack of judgement?

Only when I was left confoozled than anything.
There are no more men with values.
Ok. Maybe the meditating monks or some hopeless romantics like me out there.
I’m almost as bitter as the undiluted salty sauce,
at the bottom of my sweating, almost empty chalice.
Not exactly sure how I feel about all the stages of grief I’ve been put through.
But, I’ve come to accept, I’ve been played.

What happens when you find yourself insignificant?
i mean, truly.
when the person you have been in love with

isn’t in love with you.
he doesn’t even care;

just borderline concerned.

he survived before he met you;
and, he’d still be living the same way when you leave.

Reminder: “What you want is what you get.”

– January 2005


I was cleaning out my closet earlier this week when I found this on a table napkin I wrote five years ago. Although it’s been ages that I’ve chosen to forget why I wrote it, it felt appropriate and odd. It’s probably because I find myself in the same situation again. I’m not necessarily in love or hurt by anyone right now. Hardly. Life is good! Actually, I’m just thinking déjà vu style. A very good friend is undergoing her metamorphosis. They say that if you do not learn your lesson the first time, the similar circumstances will keep repeating themselves until you do. After all, one’s expiration date is supposedly pre-ordained even before the first breath is drawn. It’s so, and nothing more to be said.

Right now, I’m thinking…

I can’t be with someone that has an irreversible rejection of life. You shouldn’t either.

there is some reason
that i’m enjoying life like this
maybe it’s the spring breeze
that a slight intoxication has entered me
you are the blossoming smile on my lips these days

FBS – FASTING BLOOD SUGAR = 100 milligrams per deciliter of blood

Fast for at least 8 hours prior to blood draw. Between 100-125 indicates prediabetes.


WAIST TO HIP RATIO = 0.8 or lower

Belly FAT is a more telling predictor of your health than the number you see on the bathroom scale o.O

how to: Measure your waist where a belt would go. Your natural waist is the point between your lowest ribs and your hip bones, which can be easily identified by placing your hands on your hips. Relax your tummy by breathing out gently and not tucking in. Then, adjust the measuring tape so that it is level all around.  It should not exceed 80cms (32in) in women and 94cm (37in) for men.


THYROID: 0.4-4.0 Miu/L (milli-international units per liter)


Very important to check if older than 50 or post-menopausal. The test involves a special kind of Xray that provides a “T-score,” which compares your current bone density to that of a healthy 30 yr old who presumably has peak bone mass.

CIRCULATING D: 35 nanograms per milliliter or higher

Vitamin D deficiency increases the risk for osteoporosis, breast CA, hypertension, and multiple sclerosis.




I just got back from the gym where a really nice gentleman asked for my number.

Hi! I’m Justin. I couldn’t help but notice you come to this gym often and I’ve seen you at H.E.B. Do you live near the area?

[blush – checking self in mirror – kicking self – wishing I wore a more figure friendly top]

Um, yea. Not too far.

[more convo inserted here]

If you’re leaving now, I can walk you to your car.

[ya- i guess i could cool down some more at home…]

Okay, thank you.

My pleasure.

We make more small talk on our way to my ride in this pretty cold weather.

Oh, wow. I knew YOU drove the Honda Civic. Is it stock? How old is it??!?! The other guys and I have been been talking about you and when you were coming back, so we could ask. I think it’s awesome you drive stick.

Yea, this is my baby.

[Wait a minute….]

Have you ever thought of selling it?

I’m always receiving propositions for the car. At least once a week, a guy will drive next to me and ask me how much I’ll sell it for. They want a project car.

I’m sure!!!! Can I have your number, then? I would definitely like to keep in touch. Maybe we can work-out sometime? I’ll spot you should you decide to lift weights and not do just cardio.


AND THIS IS WHEN I got turned off. bwahahahahahahahaha… My car gets more attention than me. Honestly, she’s a sexy bitch when she’s cleaned up.

Plus, him implying I cannot lift certain weights or machines is right, but that’s not the reason why I haven’t been pumping with my fellow lunkers >_< It’s freaking February; the place is still infested with newbs without gym etiquette!!! gRRrrrrrrrr…. won’t re-rack. won’t wipe down their own sweat. won’t stop staring at the girl with her check list and serious face.

Is it too much to ask for a McSteamy wrapped in a small white towel? Now, HE can have my car =D

SUPPLiES This Spring semester, I’m back at Cy Fair College campus grounds and taking film photography in black and white. On the first day of school, I discovered that this wasn’t your “I’m aspiring to be a pet or wedding photographer” class. My narcoleptic professor’s first proclamation was: “if you don’t like the way I talk, get the fuck out of here.” How interesting that I finally feel like a college student after graduating. Although we have four criticals and one final projects due that revolves around ART, I am very excited to finally learn the proper delivery of a photo from shot to film processing. The first time I fed the Kodak Tmax 100 in my Nikon n6006, I recalled winding up my father’s camera as a kid. I love the way the shutter sounds! Did I mention, this shall be an expensive hobby? Thank you, scholarships and beautiful GPA o^~^o

While still learning the technical terms and how to use a small format camera, I discovered how difficult it is to take a picture without the auto focus or instant gratification of a replay screen. Many a times, I was taken a back on how much my failing eyesight really need to be corrected as soon as possible. Although there is a rush from the mystery of how my first practice roll shall develop to, I am afraid that they’ll come out blurry or simply lacking sense. Even if we aren’t asked to adhere to the assignments, we are not allowed to stay within the stereotypes of picture-taking. Part of me thinks I take pretty nice shots of my pets, food porn & bento, attempts of fashion, and toy collection. However, people have misunderstood that I took pictures to attract attention. Honestly, I have short-term memory loss, which required a daily journal to chronicle moments. Without flickr, I would’ve failed to recall even the bad memories. This time, instead of taking pictures for ME and keeping memories of what I love, I must evoke feelings from the viewer and accept critiques from complete strangers or non-flickr community. Another challenge for me is not being able to upload and relying on keeping a physical album once again. I don’t even recall when the last time I had anything printed… hMmmm…

Now that I somewhat have more free time, on top of taking Chinese and US History, I shall attempt to start sewing via machine and finish the knitted scarves that was given to me from my China summer abroad at Zhejiang Unversity.  Yes, I used to hand sew everything!!! However, I drove all the way to Sugar Land and begged mama to lend me her electric. Also, I borrowed “Knitting for Dummies” last Friday from the libary and haven’t had any chance to look at it yet because I am fighting the flu =( This month, I plan to hem all my slacks/trousers and modify some skirts/shirts since I’ve lost weight.

If anyone knows a grandma that I can borrow to teach me the basics, please don’t hesitate to point me in the right direction.

I have a voracious appetite for learning!!!

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